My First Year of Motherhood
Damn if that expression isn’t the truth. People tell you this. Shit EVERYONE tells you this when your pregnant. “Soak it in, it goes so fast” “They grow up quick, don’t blink!” “The days are long but the years are short.”
I have never felt anything more true.
This weekend I found myself having all the feels. My daughter is turning O N E. Am I even old enough to have a one year old?!
My husband and I were sitting at our local coffee shop on Saturday. Aria was in the high chair eating her breakfast and greeting everyone as usual. A couple walks in with a baby in a carrier, looking that special kind of “new parent” tired. I looked at Ev and said “I miss that” and he responded “me too.” Words I never thought either of us would utter because those first few weeks are tough, but damn I miss it.
I have been randomly bursting into tears the last few days. Blaming it on hormones, or stress, but in reality, I am coping. I am a somewhat emotional person and when it comes to Aria, a sensitive one. I found myself texting my best friends and sister in law asking for some justification that other people are this emotional when their babies turn one. This last week I have definitely squeezed a little tighter, and snuggled a little longer holding on my last few hours with a “baby.”
One year ago.
This time last year I was hours away from meeting my little girl. I couldn’t even fathom what that was going to mean, but I knew I would never be the same. I had a lot of expectations going into motherhood, for myself, for her, for Evan, everything. Honestly… it has surpassed everything I could have imagined. Sure, it was hard. Sure, the days were long. Sure, there were times I missed my “old” life; but would I have changed a second of it?
Hell No.
The First 6 Months
As anyone with a child knows, the first few weeks you are purely in survival mode. You are adapting to your new role, your new normal, and basically just on autopilot because you are so freaking tired. Ev and I actually slept on our couch for the first month that Aria was home because we were afraid of going to our room! (And frankly it was easiest being close to the kitchen for supplies and a TV for those many middle of the night feedings.
Then we started to get in our flow and got her in her own room at 7 weeks. I went back to work at 10 weeks, but fortunately I started off with 2 weeks of half days so everyone could adjust accordingly. At week 12 I was back full time, and a full on working pumping mama. This sucked. This is when my breastfeeding relationship turned south. {See my post on surviving a nursing strike} I survived 2 months of working and pumping. I missed her terribly every day. I know most working moms feel that way but it didn’t help that I knew I wasn’t in a job that would be my career.
Next thing I knew, I was in the right place at the right time and a friend suggested a new position for me that was PERFECT. I would be working from home, and back in real estate which was my background. {Future post to come on my job and life working from home with a toddler}
Regardless, I hit the job lottery. I resigned from my corporate job and by June was working from home with my sweet girl.
The Second 6 Months
This is when things got fun. I joke that for the first 6-8 weeks or so a baby is essentially a pet rock. But the real fun began around 6 months. Not only was I home with my babe but she was actually interacting at this point. Rolling over, giggling, picking up toys, super exciting stuff. The milestones babies hit during the 6-12 month time is just non stop. I felt like every day something new was happening with her. Aria started crawling the day she turned 7 months and that is when things started to go really fast. Chick couldn’t sit still. Next thing I know, 10 months old she is running around our house.
Being a work from home mama can be tough, especially once your babe is mobile. But I feel incredibly fortunate to be able to pursue my career and be home with my daughter.
Monthly Milestones
Taking our final monthly milestone photo was bittersweet. These became quite a hassle after she learned to pull the banner down or run away from me. I would stress about getting the letter board just right or making sure they were taken on a sunny day. But reflecting on this, I am sad they are over. Taking these photos and posting them every month forced me to take a moment and reflect on all of the growth her tiny body was going through. In just one month so much changed. I am glad I took some time to slow down and document just how special each month was and how much she grew.
Highlights from Year ONE
Here are my favorite moments from my first year as a family of 3. And not like the Instagram worthy highlight reel (which you can see here), but our normal day to day fun.
Intentions for year 2
Tonight Evan asked me why I think I am so sad. And I said because it just went too fast and I am not ready. I am afraid I will blink an eye and Aria will be 10, or 20, or 50! I am not ready.
But ready or not, here she comes. So I have decided to try a few things for year 2 to help soak in all of the moments.
First, we want to start printing photos from our favorite moments and putting them in an album. Not the staged “pretty” pictures, but the ones where we remember how much fun we had that day and maybe write a little something on the back. Getting Rita’s on a Saturday afternoon or going to the park down the street and playing on the swings. We got this photo printer to streamline this process and an album to stash them in. I am a picture hoarder for sure, but all digital! I can’t wait to have these in my hands to smile over at the end of a long day.
Secondly, I am going to chose my time with Aria. Working from home is tough. I am torn between needing to get work done, taking care of A, playing with her, feeding myself, and maybe finding time to go to the bathroom. But I am going to be more intentional with my time this year, and chose that my time with her is actually spent with her. Not answering emails, scrolling Instagram, or prepping dinner; but present with her. I want to play. I want to laugh. I want her to remember her childhood with a present mother. This past year I was not great at finding that balance and this year I will certainly be more intentional with my time.
While I may not be a “crunchy” mama, I try very hard to make sure I am doing my daughter justice. Trying to teach her sign language, make a semi nutritious meal, not have the TV on too much. But in reality, those things happen, and I have learned to be ok with it.
I hope to teach Aria right from wrong, how to be respectful and hard working, how to be patient and have manners. I am not overly concerned with feeding her an all organic diet or limiting her screen time. I have accepted as a work from home mom that I have to pick and chose my battles and this is what works for us.
I refuse to have an entitled child, that is my biggest fear. So that is where my focus lies on our day to day as well as having fun moments. I want her to remember something every day that was super fun. I will take the good with the bad. If she smiles and laughs and is safe and loved, I feel the win.
Now let me be “that person.”
This has been the MOST fulfilling year of my life. I am reiterating words that EVERYONE tells you. This is not new news. But listen up.
It goes fast.
You will miss these days.
Soak every second in.
Don’t blink.
Happy 1st Birthday, Aria!
Xo, Emily
